HEllo Peeps :), just finished work and had a long day.. Pretty much going to go to sleep right now. BUt just wanna keep you guys updated. lol..

ANyway, turned 22 5 days ago. Had a Great Birthday party thanks to my sisters and Ester of course. She made my actually crappy birthday great, I gonna say it once and never say it again.. ESter Is Great. She helped me so much through the past 2 weeks and I am grateful everyday. :) Ester pretty much gave me a surprise party. SHe said she's away to Bail but she's not and everyone pulled out on my birthday EVERYONE even the person that I think will definately turn up didn't. I am disappointed and sad but hey.. Everything happens for a reason. I got pretty drunk with the random drinks offered. I had Whisky, Vodka, Beer, Wine, Sex on the beach shots and Martini's OMG.. apparantly I stayed in the toilet for 2 hours.. lol anyway I had crazy fun that night. Joey and Ester protects me from doing silly things and eventually dragged me home.. hur hur.. Thanks buddies.

Well, I got a job at Night Safari, and today I got praise by the manager ^^ *wow* the pay ain't the greatest but you know it pays my bills.. :) I didnt sleep well at all last night, only had 30mins sleep cos I have been standing the whole evening my back hurts and my hips just dun like the long hours of standing in not- so- great- for- work shoes. :( I need to start going back to gym, I hate being fat. I wanna be better and I am know I am better than this!

Well its been about nearly 20 days now.. :) Still so many thoughts going through my head, trying to stay positive more than ever and trying to handle things all by myself again. No one there to hug or cuddle me but I will survive.. Its good I suppose, a process to make myself grow, a process that makes me stronger, smarter and wiser. Hopefully I am a little more mature and learn from the life lessons. I am not going to lie and say I don't miss him and I am not going to say that I hate him cos I really don't. I still love him alot and I still care for him alot, but I can't show it in the same way anymore and I must get use to it. I think time will heal and then I can start talking to him without being sad or stress again. I have to learn to block him off and accept him as a friend, hardest part so far is knowing that I shouldn't think about him anymore. Cos he just flood my head. its getting better, and I am getting stronger day by day, I know I am strong and I really felt that I have grown up. I love you guys who have helped me pull through this stage. :)

Cheerios.