HEllo Peeps :), just finished work and had a long day.. Pretty much going to go to sleep right now. BUt just wanna keep you guys updated. lol..

ANyway, turned 22 5 days ago. Had a Great Birthday party thanks to my sisters and Ester of course. She made my actually crappy birthday great, I gonna say it once and never say it again.. ESter Is Great. She helped me so much through the past 2 weeks and I am grateful everyday. :) Ester pretty much gave me a surprise party. SHe said she's away to Bail but she's not and everyone pulled out on my birthday EVERYONE even the person that I think will definately turn up didn't. I am disappointed and sad but hey.. Everything happens for a reason. I got pretty drunk with the random drinks offered. I had Whisky, Vodka, Beer, Wine, Sex on the beach shots and Martini's OMG.. apparantly I stayed in the toilet for 2 hours.. lol anyway I had crazy fun that night. Joey and Ester protects me from doing silly things and eventually dragged me home.. hur hur.. Thanks buddies.

Well, I got a job at Night Safari, and today I got praise by the manager ^^ *wow* the pay ain't the greatest but you know it pays my bills.. :) I didnt sleep well at all last night, only had 30mins sleep cos I have been standing the whole evening my back hurts and my hips just dun like the long hours of standing in not- so- great- for- work shoes. :( I need to start going back to gym, I hate being fat. I wanna be better and I am know I am better than this!

Well its been about nearly 20 days now.. :) Still so many thoughts going through my head, trying to stay positive more than ever and trying to handle things all by myself again. No one there to hug or cuddle me but I will survive.. Its good I suppose, a process to make myself grow, a process that makes me stronger, smarter and wiser. Hopefully I am a little more mature and learn from the life lessons. I am not going to lie and say I don't miss him and I am not going to say that I hate him cos I really don't. I still love him alot and I still care for him alot, but I can't show it in the same way anymore and I must get use to it. I think time will heal and then I can start talking to him without being sad or stress again. I have to learn to block him off and accept him as a friend, hardest part so far is knowing that I shouldn't think about him anymore. Cos he just flood my head. its getting better, and I am getting stronger day by day, I know I am strong and I really felt that I have grown up. I love you guys who have helped me pull through this stage. :)

Cheerios.

HAvent blog for a week only and people are complaining..

Where is people's patience now a days?

Not much been happening really... House Warming and Birthday parties, doing things to keep me occupied.. Althought my mood is normally pretty Crappy..

Let's talk about the house warming, Very nice house and I am very interested to move out.. If i can financially support myself. We played poker and me and Ester shit our pants cos we thought we playing real money which would add up to $1000 =x

Birthday party, would be the October Babies Birthday, didnt go too crazy because we got a golf game today. SO me birthday is 20th, KEn birthday is Today! happy birthday mate! Mitch is 6th and Mark LAz is 8th.. Not forgetting Geri but she didnt join us :D Went to the Pump room had some beer and we had a great time!

Think through alot of things that have happened.

Maybe its time for a change..

Got a job at Night Safari, works out ok I guess.. Gonna start on Wednesday and get back into working life.

Freaking hell I got lost as usual trying to get a bus out of Night Safari.. I cant only laughh... lol..

Saturday is my birthday! Dun feel like celebrating it though.. yer Weird I KNow.. Just u know.. Dun feel like it.. Dunno who's coming, everyone sick and go to vacation. Feeling lonely and stuff. I will get over it I know..

Hope Ester have fun on her Holiday. I was suppose to sleep 2 hours ago.. It didnt happen.. so I am going to sleep now..

I have to learn to love myself and be self fish..

Feeling better today. I actaully stopped cry.. YAY!! :)

I feel that I can think more positive and divert my attention to other things..

Now and then he pops up in my head.. but I held my tears. I am proud of myself.

I haven't had such a sad blog in such a long time. He did make me very happy.

I look glumy but I try to smile.. Today I wanna be alone..

I played golf in the morning and freaking lost $20 to Ken and Mitch.. grrr..
Lee and Carl must have though that I am Anti-social.. I didnt really talk throughout the whole game.. just smile and thank you's.. I am sorry, I can't help it.

Think about why we having a break. I cried so much yesterday because I thought I gave him so much, But thinking about it.. He gave me as much back.. Its my fault to give him pressure.. I always thought that I am a good gf... but I am not as perfect as I thought I am.. I have so many flaws that make me not even close to good.

I can't understand why I am so grumpy sometimes, I thought I am easily satisfy but I am not, cos I always keep asking for more, I got greedy. Everyone does and normally the other partner cracks. Its good to have a break and I take a step back and see what I have done in this relationship. Yes we are probably not going to be together again.. I know I will miss him alot alot.. i wonder if he will miss me at all, sometimes truth hurts, so I try not to think abt it. But I have to say I learn so much.. I hope I can bring the next person more happiness than sorrows.. I hope I can make the next person feel comfortable and wants to be with me.. I still hope that you are the person, I wish I can still love you, give u hugs and kisses. You are someone so special to me.. I love you.

They say memories fade and I will feel better.. But the happy moments you gave me, I can never forget. I wished I can turn back time and present you a better me.. But its all pretty late isn't it.. Sometimes I wished I had not say things I should just keep in my heart, but this is me, I say wat I have got to say and not think abt the consequence, something I learn too, dun say anything if you got nothing better to say. I do mean every single words I say at the last page of the book. U will always be in my heart.

*Can I love you all over again?*

I am trying very hard I swear. We just past our 1 year Anniversary.. I love him so much

I am feeling so much pain right now. Tears can't stop rolling down my eyes.

The flowers sitting by my bed doesnt help.. Its the first time He got me flowers.

I am so sad.. But I know this day will come. Not this soon though..

I still wanna spend my birthday with him, Christmas and His birthday.

Its all gone now.. Vanised.. I got lots of happy memories.. N I Can't stop loving him everyday.

I really dunno wat is wrong, I am sorry anyway.

I miss you so much already.

I wanna see you and hug u.. U know I love my cuddles.

I am glad I cooked for you last night. Baby.. I truely Love you.

I got this song stuck in my head.


If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
but I know you're here with me now
We'll make it throughand I hope you are the one I share my life with...

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it , I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,I dont understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way I can stay in your arms?

*our 1 year*
* The Champagne*
*The Singers lion*

*To prove to ester that this photo CAN be taken*

Ester my Beautiful CArtoon.. Is freaking not replying my MSN!! Therefore I have to write my blog.. Dots.. Think she concussed..

Anyway, I am really grateful to Ester and Mark especially Ester though to come accompany me to Brew Wrekz at Kallang Stadium.. I was in the foulest mood.. I was so sad, down and depress.. and I Thank god that I went to the Bball match.. It was a Great Match! Thankies to Daniel for the Tickets! Thankies for the Flower too. :)

SLinger Rocks! It was Awesome! Well.. Anyway enough of my today. Let's talk about my 1 year Anniversary.

Well, I am very impatient. SO we exchanged our present on saturday :D.. HOpefully Brad likes it . :) *fingers crossed* So now he have to change his wallet every weekend when I see him! whaha.. Hmm I got a nice DKNY be delicious Green Apple perfume and a Branch at Hyatt.. :D

tsk tsk tsk.. its not any ordinary Branch.. its Champagne buffet. Free flow or MOET! yumcious. The buffet is so good.. It made good buffets look not so good! make sense? lol.. They have awesome Sashimi, teriyaki BBQ, Chinese section, Seafood, Steaks and not forgetting my Chocolate Fondue! Yummm.... I had so much fun and I am SOOOooo Happy.. :) Then we went to KM8 and met Rebecca ... :)

I thought it was a coincidence at first but Brad actually sms'ed her already.. so silly.. lol.. I thought Singapore is THAT small! Anyways, had a lychee Martini, know new peoples. Had lots of beer and JB joined us later.. Dun really wanna talk about the fight I had with Brad.. welll.. OK.. It was exciting.. its the first time we fight.. but I dun like.. I hate Fighting, I hate Crying, I hate someone Yelling at me, I hate feeling sad and I Hate thinking Negative.. Its ok.. I still Love u so much.. :)

I realised I havent blog for so long and there is so many things to say.. well.. too bad! LOL

Regards,

Jiali