Ok.. I got a SORE EYES again!! OKay! Dear God, PLease cure my eye, I promise not to wear contacts for a month. *prays*

So had a busy week! isn't it great! did so many things and feel so tired and when u slack it actually feels good! haha.. Yesterday had a photoshoot for AsiaGolf Singapore ( I think ) Had lots of fun.. Pretty tiring though.. From 1pm - 5pm.. It was pretty posing though although I sucked at it!

Went to work straight after the shoot.. Work is getting fun maybe cos I start to know more people.. But the getting there part sucks big time. have to change bus twice.. Been slacking with exercise these days! Must get back into it later after dinner.. My eye sucks.. I want a new eye.. :(

B to the O to the R to the I to the N to the G!

B-O-R-I-N-G

Meaningless life.. Go out to do something? Meaningless.. Everything feel so meaningless to me these days.. Everyone pisses me off no matter wat they do. BEing so super Sensitive and Over reacting to things.. Maybe I am lonely.. Doing stupid things that don't satisfy me.. Oh well.. Enough of me being negative let's see the positive side of Jiali.

Had a pretty good afternoon yesterday.. Went out and had lunch at MOF hmm yummy.. and then went for a massage that I have been longing for! Nice nice hope it lasted forever... hehe.. then went window shopping at Orchard.. Pretty stoned.. maybe just feel tired and sleeping at 4am the night before doesnt help.. LOL.. oh wells.. its all fun and games.. Read 31 comics in 2 days! woohoo record! Slam Dunk Rocks Rocks ROckS!!

Ester present is still on my bed and frostee loves it.. lol.. Oh my date on Tuesday! Hmm.. It went ok I guess.. He is cute.. cute... cute.. Just have to love guys in shirt.. But hmmm.. I dunno.. just see wat happens.. Feel that there's no spark~ ermmm... Or maybe I am just hating, detest and not trusting men right now.. LOL~ wats new.. ? But why not take a risk? why not take a challenge? bah... Over it and done with. :) Thanks to u~~ :)

Anyway, can't wait for chilli crabs tonight! Sambal Stingray.. YUMMMMMMMM.... quick quickk 8pm quick quick!! I love me

Cheerios.

Hmm.. I got healthy eyes! :) But I can only "officially" wear contacts next month.. *roll eyes*

I am so tired and I got a date tonight.. So boring yet so exciting.

Don't really know if i am looking forward to it or not..

I guess I should.. Shall enjoy myself and not worry~

Good luck to me.. ;)

A Song about How I feel..

挑一張耶誕卡寫上滿滿祝福的話
Picked out a Christmas card and wrote down my good wishes for you.

地址寫的是心底 你能不能收到它
The addresser is from the Bottom of my heart, can you receive it?

天有點冷 風有點大 城市甯靜而喧嘩
Its a little cold, the wind is blowing strong, The town is quiet yet noisy

這一個冬天我得一個人走回家
I am walking home alone this winter..

問自己習慣了嗎 沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
I ask myself if I am used to this, Without you it seems so empty.

有沒有什麽好方法讓寂寞更聽話
Is there a solution to subdue loneliness?

你最近還好嗎 是不是也在思念裏掙紮
How are you recently, are you also missing me?

你說會記得我 還記得嗎
You said you will remember me, do you still?

你最近還好嗎 忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
How are you recently? busy, tired? Is your heart still aching?

如果真不得已忘了我 快向快樂出發
If its forgetting me that you choose, then hope you are sailing towards Happiness

有再多的牽挂都已沒有權利表達
Even if I miss you deeply, I have no rights to express it anymore

舊情人給的問候比陌生人還尴尬
A regards from your ex is even more awkward than from a stranger.

昨天遠了 明天還長 回憶模糊但巨大
Yesterday was far, Tomorrow is still a long way, Memories are fading yet still clear.

這樣的深夜眼淚要怎樣不流下
How can tears stop flowing in a night like this?

問自己習慣了嗎 沒有你每到夜裏回聲變得好大
I ask myself if I am used to this, Without you it seems so empty.

有沒有什麽好方法讓寂寞更聽話
Is there a solution to subdue loneliness?

你最近還好嗎 是不是也在思念裏掙紮
How are you recently, are you also missing me?

你說會記得我 還記得嗎
You said you will remember me, do you still?

你最近還好嗎 忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
How are you recently? busy, tired? Is your heart still aching?

如果真不得已忘了我 快向快樂出發
If its forgetting me that you choose, then hope you are sailing towards Happiness

你最近還好嗎 是不是也在思念裏掙紮
How are you recently, are you also missing me?

你說會記得我 還記得嗎
You said you will remember me, do you still?

你最近還好嗎 忙碌嗎累嗎 心還會痛嗎
How are you recently? busy, tired? Is your heart still aching?

如果真不得已忘了我 快向快樂出發
If its forgetting me that you choose, then hope you are sailing towards Happiness

I am ANGRY.. lol
It's OUrs!
LOL! Natasha tell us to look In love.. We end up burst out laughing..
Gonna Kill the Culprit behind all Hang overs!
Nah, I am not really LIcking the Gun.

Scary Shadow behind But I look Good it in!

Let's all just pray for a great guy lost in a Motor Bike accident in Australia. idknow his for long, but I feel so sorry for his friends and family that lost him, cos his a fun oving pers

Life is short, we got to move on for better things. That's what I am doing right now. Why close the door to chances and people who wants to come into my life? I should not stay in the same place and wait for him to look back anymore, cos he won't.. so why bother.. :)

Ester is sick! Hope u get well soon babe! Haven't talk to you all day today... so weird.. lol.. Anyways, Had a great time on Friday night at the Cow boy dinner.. Me and Ester dressed up and got Drunk ass~ How not to? We had Free flow of beer and the worst thing is we have Tequilla!.. I swear we are having 2 or 3 shots at a time, Yucks!! Had lots of fun though..

After the Dinner we went to the bar at the club, had a drink then Judy drag us to a Ah neh Bar.. I nearly cry... Well, I cried that night.. but not because of the bar.. lol.. Its ok never again, will I shed a tear for him.. I will give my love to the next person who deserve it.. :) Its easier to be said than to be done.. But I can be strong.

I must start living for myself. :)

Hi peeps.. I ave a series of high and lows these few days.. hmmmph.. Well... Let's start with Heritage Challenge. It was a great course, But i played so shitty.. I am so angry with myself.. :( BUt I somehow manage to win 3rd prize.. and the prize is Ridiculous.

I won a set of R7 P-3 Iron 3 n 5, PING G5 Fairway woods, Cleveland Driver and a Ping G5 Putter (freaking loveeeee it).. Then I got Lucky Draw 38th prize. a pair of Golf shoes that cost $300++, a Rescue wood and a 29" JVC flat screen tv.. haha .. It took us lots of effort to bring it home.. GOD!! It's all fun and games.. and the last surprise. I got a Sunglass Sponsor from Sundog. How awesome it is.. The glassses look so Greatt! OMG.. I was so so so so happy.. its Ridiculous!

The next day was a little sad but I guess it ended alright.. Started off shit though I am telling u! PLayed Golf this morning again.. My Putter was awesome.. Love in first putt, U know wat i mean? lol.. Apart from that I think I know wats goig wrong with my swing.. bah~~~ Stupid Game.. :)

*I was crying in my dreams, N its all because of u*

Haven't receive my Birthday Present from Brad yet.. where is it? *pout*

Been tired, well its 2am of course I am tired expecially after the things I did today. Woke up 7am in the morning Jogging, Practise, went to work.. Very fruitful day.. :) Very tiring.. haha but its ok.. I want to be better than her. I can if I put my heart to it.

Still missing Brad, but its ok.. I think he have totally move on already and I should too.. No, :" Maybe he will call" or "Maybe he will SMS me" cos he will never, and I know it very clearly, who am I kidding. I am glad that he is alot happier now though.. Why be together when your partner is not happy? Well, its not partner anymore cos its been nearly 6 weeks when we parted. I know very clearly that, things will never be the same.. We can't go out to have dinner, or partying or even catch a movie... Its just so hard.. Tears will probably always roll down my cheek, that's how much I love him.. N I always will but I just need more time to get myself back to reality again n again.

I never fail to look around into places we always go to, every corner in Clark Quay and even the taxi stand.. Maybe I could take a glimpse at him and I will be happy.. haha nope.. I think I will just bring me more pain and sorrows... At this point of time Ester would probably so angry and dun wanna care abt me and wat I am saying.. haha. I just can't help how I feel right now, especially when I am PMS'ing..

But from today, I am giving up .. No more waiting for his calls or sms.. No more trying to find out if he is well or happy. He is just a friend? Can I think like that? Will he still treat me like one? Will he still enjoy my company? At the end of the day does saying all these matter? Does he know my pain that I am going through? Is it worth it? I might be better off shedding tears for Ester for taking good care of me and I keep thinking negative.. Feel bad for her efforts.. I am stronger but sometimes I just want some room to cry. I am silly I know. Truth hurts and its wat Ester always want me to see and I refuse to believe it and its time to face to truth..
I wanna wake up and be a better person and strive to be better. Not living for anyone but yourself.

Anyway, put the sad things apart. I get a invitation to TMCC Heritage Challenge.. its a great event. Om's might be able to get me a free Lasik and Golf is going pretty good.. :) I am determine for Ester to be my FHM manager.. lol.. can lah~ ^^ Ester buying Dim Sim this week.. I dun care :p

Its kinda sad how things turned out the way it is.

Is it me? or is it the other party? I believe that both plays a part.

How can someone forget another person so easily, its amazing how people can just move on with their live so easily, while some other people just stuck in the rut.

I am not saying that I am stuck in a Rut, I am just trying to say that you know.. Some people can just take it so much easier than others.. why? I believe its because that person have been playing with another people feeling and just don't really love that person at all. Does it make sense? maybe.. :)

Oh well, anyway.. I am use to be in a single life now, I am glad I have Ester and sisters to hang out with.. But I have been so unlucky.. Been sick sick sick.. its Terrible.. I have an Ulcer on my right eye and the doctor say that I can never wear contact lens again.. haha.. Think I need to go for Lasik soon.. So good bye glasses and Contacts! :)

I still missing him sometimes, once in a while.. But I dun think he will feel the same way. But its ok, life is never fair and I understand. I am glad that he is enjoying life now and having fun. Well, I must say that I am doing the same.. Meeting new people, having fun and looking forward to new stuff.. its all good..

Gonna go Batam on Thursday.. Can't wait!! :) go eat seafood.. yummy in my tummy.. Friday gonna to meet Omi for dinner, maybe can ask him for free Lasik... hehe.. Wat else... hmmm.. Deryne Birthday on Wednesday.. N i am sure there will people who want to date me during the weekends! hehe.. Oh well.. ciaoz.. :)

Actually I just learn to hate you more everyday. Sad but it Helps :)

so there you go, I HAte You

Ok I am lazy.. Mainly because I wanna be happy! Writting sad things doesn't help does it!

I tell myself that I am not going to let sad things pull me down everyday. I am gonna pick the positive and happy things everyday, be thankful and be happy. I guess that is how happy people be happy right.. :) *smiles*

Time heals all wound, and I am definately getting better each day.. well.. with alot of help of course and you guys know who you are who have helped me through the tough time. Work sucks suck suck suck big time. Boring working with people who are younger than me and just B-O-R-I-N-G! Oh well, at least I am earning some dough.

I need to start learning how to differentiate the good people and the bad people. Its so hard too judge people man, who's really nice and who's not. Who is worth knowing and who is not.. So confusing.. Oh well.. *prays*

Been learning how to adopt to being Single and I think I am doing Great. Keeping myself occupied and nearly died every night from being so tired. Which is good.. But everything I do feel so meaningless.. haha.. But they are not.. u know wat i mean.. hmm.. haha. I am so weird. I am missing him... When I talk about him I think I will still cry.. But I learn how to block him off.. I feel so bad deleting him off facebook and messenger, but I am just not ready yet.. Seeing him finding new girls and stuff, I have no right to be angry anymore and jealous anymore.. What happen again.. haha.. *rebound* it sucks.. But I am feeling great now so dun worry about me! I am POSITIVE lah!

Look at the people around me who love me.. I feel great and contented.. So much happiness.. Sentosa was great had such a great time with Wen hoped Rui was there.. but oh well. :) Next time for sure! Love ya all..

*Rebounded*

HEllo Peeps :), just finished work and had a long day.. Pretty much going to go to sleep right now. BUt just wanna keep you guys updated. lol..

ANyway, turned 22 5 days ago. Had a Great Birthday party thanks to my sisters and Ester of course. She made my actually crappy birthday great, I gonna say it once and never say it again.. ESter Is Great. She helped me so much through the past 2 weeks and I am grateful everyday. :) Ester pretty much gave me a surprise party. SHe said she's away to Bail but she's not and everyone pulled out on my birthday EVERYONE even the person that I think will definately turn up didn't. I am disappointed and sad but hey.. Everything happens for a reason. I got pretty drunk with the random drinks offered. I had Whisky, Vodka, Beer, Wine, Sex on the beach shots and Martini's OMG.. apparantly I stayed in the toilet for 2 hours.. lol anyway I had crazy fun that night. Joey and Ester protects me from doing silly things and eventually dragged me home.. hur hur.. Thanks buddies.

Well, I got a job at Night Safari, and today I got praise by the manager ^^ *wow* the pay ain't the greatest but you know it pays my bills.. :) I didnt sleep well at all last night, only had 30mins sleep cos I have been standing the whole evening my back hurts and my hips just dun like the long hours of standing in not- so- great- for- work shoes. :( I need to start going back to gym, I hate being fat. I wanna be better and I am know I am better than this!

Well its been about nearly 20 days now.. :) Still so many thoughts going through my head, trying to stay positive more than ever and trying to handle things all by myself again. No one there to hug or cuddle me but I will survive.. Its good I suppose, a process to make myself grow, a process that makes me stronger, smarter and wiser. Hopefully I am a little more mature and learn from the life lessons. I am not going to lie and say I don't miss him and I am not going to say that I hate him cos I really don't. I still love him alot and I still care for him alot, but I can't show it in the same way anymore and I must get use to it. I think time will heal and then I can start talking to him without being sad or stress again. I have to learn to block him off and accept him as a friend, hardest part so far is knowing that I shouldn't think about him anymore. Cos he just flood my head. its getting better, and I am getting stronger day by day, I know I am strong and I really felt that I have grown up. I love you guys who have helped me pull through this stage. :)

Cheerios.

HAvent blog for a week only and people are complaining..

Where is people's patience now a days?

Not much been happening really... House Warming and Birthday parties, doing things to keep me occupied.. Althought my mood is normally pretty Crappy..

Let's talk about the house warming, Very nice house and I am very interested to move out.. If i can financially support myself. We played poker and me and Ester shit our pants cos we thought we playing real money which would add up to $1000 =x

Birthday party, would be the October Babies Birthday, didnt go too crazy because we got a golf game today. SO me birthday is 20th, KEn birthday is Today! happy birthday mate! Mitch is 6th and Mark LAz is 8th.. Not forgetting Geri but she didnt join us :D Went to the Pump room had some beer and we had a great time!

Think through alot of things that have happened.

Maybe its time for a change..

Got a job at Night Safari, works out ok I guess.. Gonna start on Wednesday and get back into working life.

Freaking hell I got lost as usual trying to get a bus out of Night Safari.. I cant only laughh... lol..

Saturday is my birthday! Dun feel like celebrating it though.. yer Weird I KNow.. Just u know.. Dun feel like it.. Dunno who's coming, everyone sick and go to vacation. Feeling lonely and stuff. I will get over it I know..

Hope Ester have fun on her Holiday. I was suppose to sleep 2 hours ago.. It didnt happen.. so I am going to sleep now..

I have to learn to love myself and be self fish..

Feeling better today. I actaully stopped cry.. YAY!! :)

I feel that I can think more positive and divert my attention to other things..

Now and then he pops up in my head.. but I held my tears. I am proud of myself.

I haven't had such a sad blog in such a long time. He did make me very happy.

I look glumy but I try to smile.. Today I wanna be alone..

I played golf in the morning and freaking lost $20 to Ken and Mitch.. grrr..
Lee and Carl must have though that I am Anti-social.. I didnt really talk throughout the whole game.. just smile and thank you's.. I am sorry, I can't help it.

Think about why we having a break. I cried so much yesterday because I thought I gave him so much, But thinking about it.. He gave me as much back.. Its my fault to give him pressure.. I always thought that I am a good gf... but I am not as perfect as I thought I am.. I have so many flaws that make me not even close to good.

I can't understand why I am so grumpy sometimes, I thought I am easily satisfy but I am not, cos I always keep asking for more, I got greedy. Everyone does and normally the other partner cracks. Its good to have a break and I take a step back and see what I have done in this relationship. Yes we are probably not going to be together again.. I know I will miss him alot alot.. i wonder if he will miss me at all, sometimes truth hurts, so I try not to think abt it. But I have to say I learn so much.. I hope I can bring the next person more happiness than sorrows.. I hope I can make the next person feel comfortable and wants to be with me.. I still hope that you are the person, I wish I can still love you, give u hugs and kisses. You are someone so special to me.. I love you.

They say memories fade and I will feel better.. But the happy moments you gave me, I can never forget. I wished I can turn back time and present you a better me.. But its all pretty late isn't it.. Sometimes I wished I had not say things I should just keep in my heart, but this is me, I say wat I have got to say and not think abt the consequence, something I learn too, dun say anything if you got nothing better to say. I do mean every single words I say at the last page of the book. U will always be in my heart.

*Can I love you all over again?*

I am trying very hard I swear. We just past our 1 year Anniversary.. I love him so much

I am feeling so much pain right now. Tears can't stop rolling down my eyes.

The flowers sitting by my bed doesnt help.. Its the first time He got me flowers.

I am so sad.. But I know this day will come. Not this soon though..

I still wanna spend my birthday with him, Christmas and His birthday.

Its all gone now.. Vanised.. I got lots of happy memories.. N I Can't stop loving him everyday.

I really dunno wat is wrong, I am sorry anyway.

I miss you so much already.

I wanna see you and hug u.. U know I love my cuddles.

I am glad I cooked for you last night. Baby.. I truely Love you.

I got this song stuck in my head.


If you're not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you're not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all
I never know what the future brings
but I know you're here with me now
We'll make it throughand I hope you are the one I share my life with...

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it, I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don't need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don't need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you're not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you're not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?
I don't know why you're so far away
But I know that this much is true
We'll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you're the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it , I don't understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

'Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today'Cause I love you, whether it's wrong or right
And though I can't be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don't wanna run away but I can't take it,I dont understand
If I'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way I can stay in your arms?

*our 1 year*
* The Champagne*
*The Singers lion*

*To prove to ester that this photo CAN be taken*

Ester my Beautiful CArtoon.. Is freaking not replying my MSN!! Therefore I have to write my blog.. Dots.. Think she concussed..

Anyway, I am really grateful to Ester and Mark especially Ester though to come accompany me to Brew Wrekz at Kallang Stadium.. I was in the foulest mood.. I was so sad, down and depress.. and I Thank god that I went to the Bball match.. It was a Great Match! Thankies to Daniel for the Tickets! Thankies for the Flower too. :)

SLinger Rocks! It was Awesome! Well.. Anyway enough of my today. Let's talk about my 1 year Anniversary.

Well, I am very impatient. SO we exchanged our present on saturday :D.. HOpefully Brad likes it . :) *fingers crossed* So now he have to change his wallet every weekend when I see him! whaha.. Hmm I got a nice DKNY be delicious Green Apple perfume and a Branch at Hyatt.. :D

tsk tsk tsk.. its not any ordinary Branch.. its Champagne buffet. Free flow or MOET! yumcious. The buffet is so good.. It made good buffets look not so good! make sense? lol.. They have awesome Sashimi, teriyaki BBQ, Chinese section, Seafood, Steaks and not forgetting my Chocolate Fondue! Yummm.... I had so much fun and I am SOOOooo Happy.. :) Then we went to KM8 and met Rebecca ... :)

I thought it was a coincidence at first but Brad actually sms'ed her already.. so silly.. lol.. I thought Singapore is THAT small! Anyways, had a lychee Martini, know new peoples. Had lots of beer and JB joined us later.. Dun really wanna talk about the fight I had with Brad.. welll.. OK.. It was exciting.. its the first time we fight.. but I dun like.. I hate Fighting, I hate Crying, I hate someone Yelling at me, I hate feeling sad and I Hate thinking Negative.. Its ok.. I still Love u so much.. :)

I realised I havent blog for so long and there is so many things to say.. well.. too bad! LOL

Regards,

Jiali

Ya! PLayed shit at Heritage tour.. I think I am JInx.. like I never play well in any heritage game. I swear the Lady boss hate me so much that she put spells on me for me to play shit. I hate her too.. so it doesn't help.. wahha..

Anyway.. The last day was fun.. WE had LOTS of beer.. thanks to Ester... We started from 2pm to i think 9pm? lol.. Welll.. to be precise I started at 2pm n the rest LATER.. Not fair.. haha.. Had I think 3 cans of tiger and we shared a few jugs among the 4-5 of us.. Ah.. It was good to drink around golfing atmosphere! Woot!

After a few drinks Jiali comes out with this brilliant plan to go have a putting comp.. its the Girls VS Guys.. We played 3 holes and was chase of by the *toot* member of the club.. Some people just dunno how to have fun... Sadness.. :p

Went home and totally Concassed! SO freaking Tired lah! then went to watch Brad DJ at Hideout on Friday! As usual.. He is as awesome as before.. But I think he Had some stuff up's.. LOL.. BUt still the music was good.. *proud* Then we went to ATtIca.. Its Ang Mo Central man! Had a few drinks.. Didnt get too drunk so I was happy about it..

Slept till 3pm the next day :S HAppy Days! But feeling sick.. sigh.. As in I got a Urinal INfection. Seriously.. Its the worst thing u can get.. But its ok.. I am Strong! :) Get away with work today! *happiness* and going for dinner with some Golfer friends later! Gonna watch Pirates of the Carribean with Brad too! wah.. so happy :) will be better without the Infections!

I am Offically Lazy.. Therefore, Thus.. there is no blog.. Therefore Thus.. U have to wait till I wanna blog..Therefore thus.. I am gonna sleep now.. :)

Yay! Friday! U know wat it means!!

I can see Brad today and we are going Fishing TOMORROW! yay yay..

I got overflowing of happiness! I am going to see this "zhi wei dou shu" soon.. its about my life something like astrology.. so yea.. will be interesting.. :) After that I dunno wat we r doing but looking at my sister all dressed up now.. we are going somewhere.. :P

Got a tournament on Tuesday to Thursday next week.. How I wish I can perform.. Its not like I cant play.. I just CAN't PLAy!! Makes sense? sigh... oh wells.. Sis is going to be my Caddy.. So yea will be good fun!

Anyways, need to go now.. Will let u guys know wat they say aout my beautiful life :)

*I Hate crying*

LIke Ester said, we did went to Gotham again.. On the day before Brad came home.
We didnt go to enjoy the show (although it comes with it), we went to finish the Black Label Johhny Walker that they couldn't finish on Ester's Birthday. well, its 3/4 full and we basically finished it.. This is Crazy.. Just me and Her.. 3/4 bottle.. No wonder I am Hangover the Next day..

I puked 3 times and slept nearly 24 hours and NO my Hangover never go away! N I think its a vicious plan of Ester to make me remember her! Rarrr... SHe Succeded again and again! Anyways, BRAD IS HOME! Welcome Home! *Wrote a Welcome Home banner and runs*

Well, I can't be happier, got lots of cuddles :) and a abrasion on my left cheek cos brad decided to grow facial hair inspired by American Choppers.. He look hot, but.. *shakes head and touches face* it hurts :( still, can't resist him.. DAmn.. ANyways, lots of dramas at home.. HOpe everyone will be happy.. sigh.. Heartaches when things like this happens.. But that's how people learn and stuff.. Poor Brad have to take my shitty moods.. lol *hugs* I promise I will try to be nice.

HAPPY BirthdAY To MY dearest Sister Jiawen.. She is ermm.. 2_ year old this year! =)
Wish u stay young and Happy forever and ever and ever and ever and ever!

Went to Cineleisure to watch RAtaTouile. Nice nice Movie! its Pronounce like this Rat-a-Too-li! OH oh and Brad took photo with me! the Machine photos!! yay.. I wish THey were in English though, it would Make my life 10 million times easier! So I decided to just press any buttons that looks good.. lol.. I can see Brad totally not enjoying this whole photo thing.. But He Survived! Thankies Brad.. U made me so Happy! Yer.. N i promised him that it will last 1 month!! lol Happiness over flow! Cleaned my room.. well its 1/4 cleaned only... but I will continue hopefully sometimes this month.. :P

2 more weeks and its our 1 year Anniversary.. Can't believe time goes so fast.. I still haven't finish the present I am making.. damn.. Have to rush through it this 2 week n try to get it done! I can lah!

*I am gonna beat u! I can, I know I will even without any dedication!*

Hey peeps.. Counting day 3 days.. or should I say 2 day and a few more hours! :)

My baby is coming back with a new facial hair look.. So excited :) ..

Had such a crazy night on Ester Birthday.. Male strippers, Lap dances .. my god.. I never thought I would ever see things like that.. but I really Happen! All at Gotham Penthouse on Wednesday night! Free Entry some more.. Not talking about the good body, they are excellent dancers .. Really enjoying myself that night.. mostly drinking water.. hahaa.. Played some drinking games.. I lost I drink water.. haha I was good! Ester really enjoyed herself which is very good.. :)

ALright I am sorry to ask Joel to go to the male strip show.. BUT.. I didnt know that they really have one.. I never been to one before.. so.. Please forgive me as I am pretty innocent as well.. :D

Well, the reason I didnt drink on Wednesday Night is because Ester brought me to eat Sashimi and I drank a few Sake.. But I dun think its the main cause of my upset gastric.. I think I was stress about my family problems. Oh wells.. I hope they can get over it and bring my happy family back..

*I am not coo coo.. I promise :( *

5 DAYS to go!

1,2, 3, 4, 5!! ya! Brad is coming home soon.. I am happy happy happy.. What should I wear to the airport!? I need to go gym tomorrow so i dun look so fat.. aha.. I am perpetually Low in Confidence. sigh..

Oh well.. I think I will get over it soon.. Quick I hope.. Cos i really hate dwelling on it.. Anyway, Golf was good today and more golf tomorrow morning.. so early man! have to wake up and catch the train.. anyways.. Really need to go now as i need to go cothe shopping with Ester Da ren.. its her bithday tomorrow.. After her birthday I can call her Slave! but right now.. I be nice as her birthday present! wahahhahaa..

*I Am Evil*

Hey peeps.. I just came back from Jakarta this Afternoon!
PLayed 8 days or more in a row.. so tiring.. Physically and mentally.. I swear I have to wake up like averaging 8am in the morning.. I SWEAR! I am so tired and I hate waking up early.

I played crap for the open but won myself a little trophy *laughs*
The trip was good.. met a lot of new people and made alot of friends..
Really enjoied my stay there and people there knows that I love donut and gave me donuts EVERYDAY.. Seriously.. maybe u dun believe it.. but I am sick of it.. yes already.. I think right now is a love hate relationship.. cos it really does make me fat..

I had the best durians in Jakarta like totally.. best DUrians I had in my life.. -so far-
Hmm wat else.. Just dunno why I can't stop missing Brad.. Feel so helpless.. I feel so insecure.. SUPER insecure.. I dunno y.. lack of confidence? maybe.. let's work on my confidence level from today then.. Who Needs Brad anyway! -=I do=- :(

Didnt really buy much.. Bought myself a really cute golf head cover and WAri (indonesian fren) bought me a pair of earrings.. :) very nice.. hmm bought more than 1 dozen of donuts and cake for the family and a cap from the most expensive golf course in Jakarta for Dad.. Nah.. I didn't buy any presents.. its a low budget no budget trip. :(

Oh.. today when I landed in singapore I called everyone and of course Brad and I think its a record.. We talked on the phone for like nearly 10mins! The longest chat we ever had.. haha.. I always remember things like that and things like these make me so happy.. I always wonder if he feels the same way too.. Maybe he can tell me next time.. N I only want truth k! :) Nothing hurts me anymore.. haha... I am a warrior! wats the worst thing? Cry.. lol.. Crying is fun.. I love crying.. lalala.. I am so tired.. I dun even know wat I am talking about..

Y is everyone not home? I feel so lonely... WHy do I have to do everything myself? where is everyone? I am so sad.. I feel like crying.. I want a hug.. *hugs teddy cow*

*perpetually insecure, help me*

Just came back from 2 days of golf in Malaysia. I WON! yay.. with Crappy scores.. Oh wells.. I could have shot 90 both days and win so nothing to be proud of really.. haha.. Feeling Super sick!

I think I got a slight stomach flu.. Still feeling no appetite and the world is pretty much spinning.. yes it feels like a 24 hour hang over.. haha.. I swear I nearly fainted on the last hole.. I couldn't stand properly and I nearly fell.. Oh wells.. I survived.. It was the worst car ride home though.. It feels like u r really really drunk trying not to puke in the car and taking a taxi ride home.. except that u r concious and the ride home is 1 hour away.. Feel my pain? GOOD!

I only won a Golf bag and a Trophy so.. yer.. I thought I would have got something better like wat I got last year, 2 nights free stay at Phuket.. oh well.. I hate the shower at Legends.. I don't use to but now I do.. cos u see.. Legends is getting the outdoor shower concept and they have pebbles on the shower floor and got a small garden behind.. I thought It was pretty cool until I see Slugs. ewww.. thinking of it make me sick.. maybe its why i feel sick.. Maybe I was too stress about them.. haha.. NAw..

Sigh.. I miss Brad.. I really really do.. LIke I never thought it will be this bad ya know.. its like only been 6 days.. I never thought it would be so hard to not think about him.. but I am wrong.. All I can think of (apart from golf and how to get some money for our anniversary) is HIM! I know its silly but I dun even know if he misses me. Does he need to miss me so its worth it for me to miss him? I know.. I am just being stupid.. and I am crazily missing him and crazily in love with him..

*I am confusing myself constantly*

Hello! yes I blog back to back 2 days! So proud of myself.. lol..

Well, what did I do today went to play golf at RCC was suppose to tee off at 8:45am and i got on a taxi at 8am thinking that I have plenty of time.. but HOW WRONG AM I.. It took me 50mins to get to RCC and the stupid ride cost me $20.. I definately going on the MRT next time.. geez..

The weather wasnt all that well.. I was praying on the taxi that it will rain so the tee time will be delayed.. but no.. it didnt rain until I get there! damn u! Like.. its freaking Sunny and super crazy rain.. oh well.. I wait till it died down a little then I tee off.. played with 3 guys today from the white tees.. think I did pretty well.. just my long putts are crap.. had 2 birdies and 3 , 3putts.. so I could have do alot better.. Iron aren't feeling that great, but I just practise so hopefully I can pull through the next 8 days of golf... So many days lah.

Well.. I only played 9 holes as I am not feeling that well and its freaking bad weather. It took us 3 1/2 hours to complete the first 9.. so yer.. I came back to Melwood and serve some customer, have lunch and have a 2 hours nap! I havent slept so well for the last 1 week man! so I am happy about the nap =D..

Hopefully we heading home soon cos I have to like wake up at 6am tomorrow! too early :S
Oh oh.. and I spoke to BRad today! hhaa.. as usual I was nervous it took me about 1 hour to have the courage to call him and have a short chat.. haha.. it made my day though.. *happiness*

* Small little things u do make me happy, I Love You*

Sorry for being lazy and not updating my blog.. Just being lazy :)

Lots been happening, me and Brad went to Chiang Mai and play golf.. and he kick my ass.. even though I gave him 2 strokes per hole.. Hmm.. nothing much to do in Chiang Mai though.. on the last day we went to see the temples which is really fascinating.. they are like few hundred years old and I went to pray for my future and got this white string tied around my right wrist for luck! :) At night we went to the Night Safari.. Its definately alot bigger than Singapore's one, but Singapore one is still better.. :) The Musical fountain is also alot better in Singapore lah! :)

Anyway, enough of my Chiang Mai trip.. I am not working at MElwood anymore, and thank god for that.. I mean I love my sisters and all but the shit going around is not funny.. Mum decided to hire her brother and he is a total disaster! He can't get his job done properly and will keep pushing responsibility to other people.. saying that he have to do everything.. BUT HE GET Paid More than anyone of us! The shit thing is Mum kept defending him.. I mean I guess I will defend my sisters as well if I am caught in a situation like that.. Sigh... Poor Jiawen have to go through the torture everyday since she is the oldest she gets most of the shits too.. *hugs*

SO.. Brad been to Australia for the 4th day already.. N I am missing him already :( .... I always look forward to weekends to see him and get my cuddles.. well.. I guess I get to see him during the week as well. but its different! sigh.. I just have to suffer through 3 weekends! that's not alot right! I can DO IT!!! PLus I am in a super sulky mood because I am sooo sick.. Been sneezing alot and I dun have any appetite.. I couldn't sleep even though I had my flu tablets which are suppose to help me sleep!!!.. and I have cramps all night on my left shoulder.... Rarrr... so the whole night was tossing and turning and cramps and tossing and turning! sigh.. I need to push myself to go practise as well as I have a few major tournaments coming up... This weekend I will be in Malaysia playing the Club Championship and the next weekend I will be in Jakarta.. So.. Time will go so quick and I will see Brad again! :)

*remember to give ducky a hug once in a while*

hmmm.. nothing been happening much lately.. Just a few tournaments that I played really shit in and I still end up winning some prizes.. haha.. I know its funny..

The scores are so embarassing that I can't tell u wat i shoot.. lol.. Poor Brad have to always listen to me nag after a bad day at golf... *hugs* Oh wells... Won alot of trophies and yer its all good.. Been partying alot as well.. which is BAD.. I need to start going back into the gym and be determine *laughs*! which I always fail to do it.. sigh sigh.. I always have questions going in my head.. Like.. " If I dun try to be skinny now.. I will be fat my whole life, therefore thus I have never been pretty in my life.. If when i got old and I am skinny then I wont be as pretty as how I should be when I was younger" Complicated? Yer.. I think so too.. I just think too much nonsenses sometimes. Oh well.. Maybe just Maybe I can try to be skinner~ n try to at least look a little bit hot.. haha...

Anyways, I had a totally Drunk ass weekend.. Cos of Harry's birthday.. People PLease remind me not to go drinking 2 nights in a row.. *DOH*.. All was fun though.. we went to play indoor golf and It was fun we are drinking Beer and playing golf in Aircon.. That's life. By the end of the game I am pretty much feel like floating when I am going to hit the ball.. lol~ N nope.. it didnt help me play better lol... After that we went to Brewrekz (however u spell it) for dinner.. Jesus.. its expensive.. Sorry Brad.. I didnt mean to pick the most Expensive restaurant.. it just happen to be expenive.. Make sense? :p .. Well.. I received flowers from Brad today.. but its electronic.. lol... I like it.. I really really do.. I think its really nice.. :) :) :) I am just so happy.. I am so easily please.. lol..

OH oh and Brad says that he wanna get me a Diamond ring instead of a life size teddy bear! YAY!! I mean.. I dunno I would love to have both u know.. but... I can't be greedy rights :-) So much happiness, I Heart Brad so much! *althought sometimes he is so freaking stubborn*:)

Anyways, another news update! I am gonna go full time golf in August.. Hopefully I can get a little bit better.. I giving myself 1 year.. If I am not feeling comfortable with the training or I am still struggling after 1 year.. it will be the end of Golf.. I mean I will still love golf but its not gonna be my career.. N I am very firm with my decisions. Let's just see wat happens! Maybe after one year of tedious training I will become a HOt chick and The modelling Agency wants me to Model all over the WORLDs!! Muahaha.. *Dreaming* Hey Expect the unexpected ;)

*HUgs n Kisses to My babe* :)

I am Sick Sick Sick... apart from that I am pretty much busy with golf.. Haven't been playing at RCC much cos of my wrist injury and the I got this bad cold.. Having fever and feeling down.. sigh.. Tomorrow there's a tournament at Sembawang Country Club.. Dunno how I will play.. sigh.. feeling so weak and sick that I havent really been practsing except for playing on Tuesday.

So not much been happening, just Preparing for tournament and being angry with my golf.. I know its just a game of Golf but sometimes I just couldn't get over it.. Didn't play Changi too well couldnt strike the ball properly.. sigh.. Even though I came in 2nd.. haha.. Oh wells.. Shit happens..

PLayed RCC Open on SAturday and the weather in the morning is horrible.. sigh.. PLayed alright until I shot 9 on the last hole.. Stupid I know.. but oh wells... I learn from my mistakes and definately not going to make it again. I wanna be more calm and less aggressive on the golf course.. I dun wanna be angry, I am just not that kinda person off the golf course.. Funny isn't it.. haha..

Well.. I been feeling very down lately.. just very negative and all.. SO everyone please bear with me.. or give me some confidence if u can.. Sometimes I just need assurance.. sometimes I just feel Insecure.. Maybe cos I am sick and I am feeling sorry for myself.. haha.. Its so Stupid.. How can I let myself think like that?..

ANyway, brought a PINK jacket yesterday.. PINK! yes P-I-N-K.. it look so cute.. haha.. Which I dunno if it really suits me.. I like the colour but.. People always see me as rough and boyish... so maybe I care too much of how people look at me and rarely do wat I feel good and happy about.. I am so easily effected by how people judge me and wat people say.. Sigh.. I came a long way for me to look like how I am now.. yet people still calling me fat.. I am serious.. I think the only person who think that I look ok is Brad.. *hugs* I hate being called fat u know.. I know I can do something about it.. but when I feel depress I eat, when I feel angry I eat.. when I feel Happy I eat, When i feel bored I eat.. haha and normally the wrong food. sigh.. I am going for Lipo SUcktion!

Well, think I should stop thinking and go jogging meow.. I know the doctor told me not to do anything to strainous.. So if I happen to Die out there.. Just wanna let My family knows that I love them lots and I woove BRad so much too... lol.. *hugs*

Wow.. What a Superb weekend I have.. Wheee!!



Friday we went to Jason's house warming... Very nice nice place.. on the 40th storey and very nice and cosy place. Becky the house dog was very nice and cute too!! it was so fun, we play Wiiiiiiii (i dunno how many i's it have :S) and think it cos of lack of golf for the past 1 week I got a sore right shoulder.. haha.. Yer.. so farnie (Deng Shan is a good golfer too and he say he get sore sholder as well! when playing wiii ).



Went to work on Saturday, work is usual and went to our modelling rehearsal at RCC.. was pretty much boring.. have to do it over and over again! n have to think about the moves we want to make when we are standing at the front.. gosh.. I think I will only start hitting the panic button when actually finish golf that day.. I REALLY BADLY want to win that tournamet.. MY swing feeling a little bit weird.. but I think I know wat went wrong but my wrist dun like it when I do the right thing so wish me lucks on Friday and Saturday.

ANyways, Saturday night was BRad's DJ'ing night.. It was pretty damn awesome! The crowd was pretty good.. N BRad thinks that my dress is nice.. which makes me really happy.. LIttle things like that make me the luckiest girl in the universe! :) Brad did well as usual.. Met up with ChiaHow and Amanda.. Had lots of yummy shot with Amanda! its was just awesome :) Yer, Had heaps of fun. didnt have a hang over on Sunday which is even better! Slept till really late though and cooked Japanese Beef Curry for BRad :) so all is good.. I am happy! :)

hmm today (yesterday) was a pretty good day had a sleep in went to work for a short meeting.. walked 9 holes. had a beer after golf, talk to my long time friend Deryne.. Had a good dinner and play stupid games and frisbee! It was a fun filled day... I am always happy when I have a busy and tiring day (exclude tiredness from work).. My face is filled with pimples.. SIGH.. :(

Oh oh and BRad is Playing in a tournament on SAturday... haha not exactly like a tournament la.. but it will be more competitive .. u will never know maybe will can get a hole in one and win US a car :) :) ... yeap.. US, WE, OURS.. must share the love! lol..

Yawns.. so tired now.. Think I shall sheep! CIaos :) :)

*Don't go*

Back from Thailand trip! its lots of fun and I took lots of photos with my new camera! yay! :) Thanks Brad for chipping in ;) Anyway, Brad insisted that I should be blogging about the car accident along BUkit Timah ROad the other day.. What's new? DiCkheads trying to race in a busy road.. Bang.. into the bus and cause a scene.. Fire coming out of the bonnet.. IDIOTs..

Anyway, Thailand was really hot.. Hot hot hot hot hot.. We are mainly doing shopping and went to the night life.. SCARY... they just look at me and start talking Thai to me.. gosh.. me and Brad walking down there makes me feel very weird.. lol.. anyways.. Brought lots of things.. and clothes and seen lots of Lady boys.. eat lots of Yummy food! Best Tom Yam Soup and Green Curry Ever.... hmmm... I will just go back and eat it again n again! yumms.. n its cheap too :)..

We were a little bit more advantourous this time, we took lots of local transportation, like BTS and we even took a bus from the Air port.. pretty cool.. n we went to watch a movie at IMAX... super cool and big and clear.. except that the freaking sound system decided to screw up in the end.. tsk tsk.. we stayed in this hotel call I resisdence.. its small but cosy.. :) if u wanna see more picture u can go to www.myspace.com/jiali_85.. :) HOpe everyone like the pressie I got them ^^.. Ciaoz.

hmm.. so I am busy and busy n busy for the past few days.. therefore it explain why I am not blogging :p.. Or u can pharse it as Lazy as well.. lol..

Anyways, not much been happening, lots of golf and I think I kinda Injured my wrist with a bad grip. Went to a Chinese SenSei on Sunday.. and the conditions today actually worsen... Oh dear.. Hope that its only temporary.. I need to get back to Golf soon. So i SOld my phone for $900.. well.. I mean I really wanna get $1000 out of it.. but I guess I gone from $0 to something.. not so bad.. I really badly wanted a camera.. BUt I dunno if I should get one.. LIke u know. sigh. decisions.. hmm.. wat else.. Went to KTV at Club 97.. I thinks.. Some club la.. its like a live band and Karaoke club.. Had lots of fun with my old frens.. Haven't seen them in months.. Really glad that I went and played Dice and talk crap with them..

Then I proceed to watch Brad Spin at Hideout.. He is as awesome as usual.. I think he is great, Really.. I would say that one of the best... But damn I get jealous, for obvious reason.. .. I am in such a dilema.. O wells.. only get 4 hours sleep before going to work. I am seriously lacking sleep that whole week.. I slept all day on my day off on Sunday! YESS!!! .. So happy, chirpy and lively! lol.. Had a nice day watching tv and like I said went to the chinese Sensei and let him inflict pain on me.. which I seriously regret..

I realise that I am very bad with mixing around people who speak good english generally.. I am super low in confident and SHy when facing them.. I am not Anti-social and I am definately not boring (right?).. Just that I find it very hard to talk when there is loud music, when I am tired and when I totally can't understand the joke and I am too scared to say something cos I am so afraid to get laughed at :( hope u peeps can understand, when I was young I always get laughed at cos of my english speaking skills.. Being laugh at cos I am fat.. and alot of other things.. So I am super sensitive with things like this..

ANyways, early tee off tomorrow and I gonna sleep now.. Or I will regret not sleeping earlier.. Ciaosz..

Ben n Jerry's at work!! Resist the temptation!

I WoN

Yer.. BIGGEsT news!I won JCC LAdies OPen.. :) Its been long but it still feels like a dream for me.. Everytime when I sit down and look at the throphy I think about my playoff.. The feeling I have throughout the whole game is Scary..

All I can hear is my HEartbeat and all I can feel is MY hand couldn't stop shivering... No matter how much confident I gave myself My heartbeat slowed down and Hand still could not stop shivering.. This win means more than anything for me.. SO i am really happy that I won.. haha.. well.. I could have win the first HOle EASILY.. i could have sink my 2nd putt which is 2 feet away from the hole to win.. BUt I am so nervous seriously i feel like the ground is shanking so badly.. lol.. BUt hey i learn from my mistake.. I make sure that I dun make this mistake again after the next few holes.. Par the 2nd and 3rd hole and the last hole to win..

Bee did really well.. She nearly hole the chip for birdie on the 4th hole.. but I made the 2 feet putt to win the game.. I couldn't believe I won until Bee came over and shook my hand.. I was so happy.. MUm is so nervous that she dare not follow me for the last hole.. she said she is worried that she will faint.. haha .. Upon arriving at the club house I ran to my mum and I shed a tear.. I am So SO happy.. Its just amazing..

Still couldn't believe it until They called my name and declared that I am the
2007 JUrong LAdies OPen Champion..
Wow.. :) MY life is filled with unlimited happiness.. All the hard work didn't go down the drain.. I prove to people that I can make it happen.. Incredible :) so.. my weekend is filled with happiness of my win :) WOn a Throphy, A $1000 phone, and a package tour to Chiang Mai! Whooot!! Thanks for the Chocolate from brad and $50 from mum and $20 from Rui.. lol.. ANyway its over now.. I have to focus on my next tournament.. hopefully I am make another win... FOCUS~

Been very tired.. but everything is good.. I hate a certain someone.. but ooh well.. Brad came to the range on sunday and I cook Chicken Parmigiana.. its yumcious... :) *Happiness*

I Love it

Yay! been so busy with GOlf lately and finally got my new clubs and stuff.. think i have mention it.. But I think I need to reshaft my new irons.. sigh sigh.. Hate making wrong decisions.. its so stressful u know.. Oh well.. I learn..

PLay golf with Sister and Dad on Tuesday, was really fun, but at the end of last 3 holes, we r really tired, first from waking up too early and then cos we laughed too much on the Golf Course plus the sun.. so yer It was good.. If I ever gonna die the next day, my dream Group to play Golf with will be my sisters and Dad for sure.. Mum can watch.. lol..

Hmm so wat else... Had a really good sport psychology lesson yesterday at JCC with Drew and gang.. was really interesting and I really do like it alot, if i ever have a chance to study again, that's probably the subject I will study.. but hey! it ain't gonna happen! lol ...

After game today at RCC saw Deng SHan, had a putting challenge with him today and WON!! TAdah.. so Proud of myself lol.. He owe me a drink too lol.. I want a jug of beer!! lol.. Everyone is so tired.. Basically just cos of work and so many things happening.. Oh wells.. I reckon we should go on a holiday!! BALI!!! not gonna happen.. lol.. but I am going Bangkok for a weekend away with Brad.. How exciting! *excitements* So i gonna go now and let my sister work again.. :) ciaoz..

*~ducky power~*

What a slow slow day.. Everything is slow and depressing.. I have stomach cramps and I am in a very irritated mood.. I can't get my thoughts sorted out and I am not as positive as I use to be today.. Freaking freaking not very happy.. Everything happens for a reason.. I shall just not worry about anything.. I shall just ignore everything, just be myself and enjoy myself.. no point worrying abt stupid things.. yer ok done.

Its ok, I dun stay depress things come and go. Somethings and meant to be, somethings are not. I have decided to only eat 1 meal a day.. its sound so impossible right.. ya i KNow.. I will try.. Things that girls are willing to do to look good. haha.. Stupid? yer, who cares anyway :p

RARrhhh... I have to smile.. right now.. Hate being in this mood... I hate being emotionally controlled by unnecessary things. I have to control my thoughts not let my thoughts control me.. I hate myself today.

*I believe in karma, don't steep as low as them*